The Latest With Me

 This is the best I have felt in a long time as my anxiety while not completely gone is at an all-time low. The exercise and mindfulness same to be helping me and I have been focusing on positive thoughts. I have however been feeling fatigued lately but that may have to do with my work schedule more than anything else.

I feel that some changes that I have made have helped me such as eating healthier (Although I have slipped the last couple of days). Getting to do the treadmill and going out more have helped me out as well.  Us cutting the cable hasn’t hurt either as I haven’t any violent programming or stuff that insults my intelligence. I don’t miss the boob tube at all.

I have been doing a lot more reading and finished a book called Quiet:The Power do Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain which was never good in showing how introverts like myself can make a difference. I just got Kindle Unlimited and have been unloading some more books. I just started The Power Of Discipline:How To Use Self-Control and Mental Toughness to Achieve Your Goals by Daniel Walter. I should look to get some in paper format to limited my electronic time. I also got the Book Of Common Prayer to assist me with my prayer life.

Work has going well and am not getting stressed as much. My home is good despite the fact my wife is stilling struggling with her condition. But I am learning to take things one day at a time.

What’s On My Mind?

 Things a lot better than the last time I posted but I do have quite a few concerns on my mind.

My province has officially announced that we are in a recession and things at work have been pretty slow. I just wonder if things better or worse with COVID-19 not going away anytime soon. I probably should avoid the news again even though I rarely look at it these days.

I also keep seeing a lot of missing persons cases on Facebook and crime reports in my town and wonder if it is really safe in my community. I also wonder if it is really safe anywhere in the world anymore. It probably should serve as a remainder that I should spend less time on Facebook and maybe more time reading a book or doing something to improve my mind. It would help with my GAD.

Also,my wife’s health issues have me concerned as while she has been a bit better she still is struggling. She has a long way to go before she gets a lot better but at the same time it is good to have her home. I see her a lot more than when she was working and we get to spend a lot more time with each other. But I still want her healthy.

A lot of this has to do with the amount of free time I have and I should find some health ways to occupy more of my time.

Frustration and Bitterness

 I have been experiencing these two things as I continue to struggle with anxiety and depression. I feel that as of late that I am getting nowhere in life and that this GAD is a huge stumbling block.

I feel stuck at my current job as I have not advanced in the time I have been there and I struggled with anxiety since I have started there. I also not found any leads to help me out of this situation and am told constantly told I am there for a purpose. I have also hurt my shoulder and wrists and am in pain a lot of the time. I feel it is hopeless and there is no end in sight.

I also have been looking back at some of the disappointments in my life such as failure to get into seminary, missed work opportunities etc... I feel this problem of anxiety has cost me a lot of opportunities in life and I am trapped in a vicious cycle as I am at times fearful to move on especially with COVID-19 right now. I just wish I could shake this thing but know it is not as easy as that.

Not all is lost as I am in great marriage, I have roof over my head and money is ok right now. I know I should stress the positive but these negative thoughts and feelings have crept in. I am just wondering if this could be the return of the black dog. As I have learned that anxiety and depression can really dim your outlook on life.

I should I have had problems in past at this place particularly with my bed-Foreman and an ex-co-worker. Things have been going well lately as I have charged crews but the memories are still there. I need forgive and forget so I can move on. Also, not to give up my job search and maybe find a way to acquire some new skills. A more positive outlook sure would help.

Fears That I Currently Have

 These are some of fears I currently have:

Fear of losing my job as the economy is in bad shape right now and manufacturing is usually one of the first sectors to get hit.Also,this anxiety has affected my performance at times.

Fear of losing somebody close to me. Both of my grandmothers and parents are getting older(than again so am I) and I dreading the day I will get the phone call (You know which one I mean).I feel that haven’t spent enough time with them And letting them know how much they mean to me.

Fear of losing my mind as I am thinking weird thoughts and making me crazy.The worst part is I can’t seem to make them stop. I get too much in my head sometimes and it often leads to all source of troubles. I need to focus on the good things in life.

Fear of losing my faith as I am currently struggling with right now,I have dome Bible reading and prayer but still wrestle with this. Largely because I struggle with anxiety as I am not supposed to.

These are just of the things that have caused me anxiety and I hope to eliminate them one by one.

The Latest With Me

 Not a whole lot of new things as things have been going smoothly for the most part.

I did have an episode on Wednesday night at work where I felt very panicky and had knots in my stomach. The weird part is I don’t know exactly why  and I managed to get through it. It could have been due to the weird sleep patterns I have when I am on this shift as I don’t get the required sleep that I need. Or it could be my workplace anxiety acting up again. Maybe a combination of both.

I have avoiding reading the news online as it has flared up my GAD at times. Since we cut the cable a couple months ago I don’t have to worry about seeing it on TV. I can’t say that I miss it a whole lot and feel a lot better especially with COVID-19 still around. Ignorance is bliss as the old saying goes.

I have reading a couple of books Life Without Limits by Lucinda Bassett and Vanishing Grace by Phillip Yancey and they helped me see things from different perspective. I have been struggling with my faith lately as I have not been able to attend church partly because of my job and also due to my wife’s weakened immune system. Still reading the Bible regularly but need more time in prayer.

In all still working through things day by day and I realize while I struggle with this there are tools and resources to help me.  It is a process.