I feel that the place my anxiety is the worst is at work. I don’t know why as it isn’t to mentally taxing and isn’t physical damaging for the most part.
I almost always dread going into work and am always fearful that things will go wrong. I am always afraid of making a big mistake that will ultimately got me my job. And with the economy being like it is right now very difficult to find as new one.I have to always keep a brave face and not indicate that there is something as this is not a place you want people to know you have a problem especially a mental illness.
There is a certain stigma in our society as this kind of problem can be shown as a form of weakness and could be costly. It has cost me pay raises and promotions. I am basically stuck in neutral right now.
I would like to move on but the fear is this will follow me wherever i go and as mention elsewhere I have had this problem at several other jobs. I feel it may be the job as I often feel I am in the wrong profession. I may have to seek out the right profession for myself.
I just wonder if this(Workplace Anxiety) is an separate issue or just a part of having GAD. This has been especially hard for me the last four years or so with no end in sight. I know it won’t last forever but it is a tough burden to carry.
Sunday, May 31, 2020
Friday, May 29, 2020
How I Cope With GAD
First of all I am not a professional therapist but merely an individual who is living with constant anxiety and depression. These are just some ways that I cope with it all,
EXERCISE
I found that sitting or lying around just brings back your worries. When I started doing some exercise it helped keep my mind off things that troubled me. I go for half an hour on the treadmill or if it is a real nice day a walk around the block. I also started doing weights which helps me burn off some nervous energy. I have been trying to keep more active as of late.
PRAY
I should have included this first but I find prayer makes a big difference. I am for a few minutes a day at least and pray silently when I need to. If I can’t think of the words to say I sometimes will read from the Book of Common Prayer or the Lutheran Book of Prayer. Or I will find prayers online on various sites to recite. I will also from the Bible if I am feeling really anxious or nervous.
READ
Try finding a good book to read which I find often helps keeps my mind focused and away from my worries. It also keeps me mentally sharp. The types books I like are nonfictional ones Christian ,Canadian history, political and of course the Bible. Sometimes reading other people’s blogs helps as well.
LAUGH
The saying “laughter is the best medicine “ is so true. I try to find some old comedy bits on YouTube or posts on Facebook that give me a good chuckle or I laugh so hard my sides hurt. Even a joke book can brighten my day.
TALK TO SOMEONE
It is not good to keep things bottled up and sharing things with someone close can ease the burden. It is usually my spouse who I talk and help set me straight. Also, a parent, friend, sibling or clergy can help.Even a talking to therapist can help you resolve some of the issues I am facing.
I just thought I would share this and hope that it can help anyone that is going through what I’m going through.
EXERCISE
I found that sitting or lying around just brings back your worries. When I started doing some exercise it helped keep my mind off things that troubled me. I go for half an hour on the treadmill or if it is a real nice day a walk around the block. I also started doing weights which helps me burn off some nervous energy. I have been trying to keep more active as of late.
PRAY
I should have included this first but I find prayer makes a big difference. I am for a few minutes a day at least and pray silently when I need to. If I can’t think of the words to say I sometimes will read from the Book of Common Prayer or the Lutheran Book of Prayer. Or I will find prayers online on various sites to recite. I will also from the Bible if I am feeling really anxious or nervous.
READ
Try finding a good book to read which I find often helps keeps my mind focused and away from my worries. It also keeps me mentally sharp. The types books I like are nonfictional ones Christian ,Canadian history, political and of course the Bible. Sometimes reading other people’s blogs helps as well.
LAUGH
The saying “laughter is the best medicine “ is so true. I try to find some old comedy bits on YouTube or posts on Facebook that give me a good chuckle or I laugh so hard my sides hurt. Even a joke book can brighten my day.
TALK TO SOMEONE
It is not good to keep things bottled up and sharing things with someone close can ease the burden. It is usually my spouse who I talk and help set me straight. Also, a parent, friend, sibling or clergy can help.Even a talking to therapist can help you resolve some of the issues I am facing.
I just thought I would share this and hope that it can help anyone that is going through what I’m going through.
Tuesday, May 26, 2020
Depression
The twin of anxiety is depression and this is something that has plagued me most of my life. It started when I was eight or nine years old when I was having problems at school. I really didn’t want to be near anybody and wanted to be alone. I also could never feel happy and was down a lot.
In my teen years weren’t much better as I would often have dark periods in my life. I would feel out of sorts and not really with it. My grades suffer as I often had no motivation and would try to”self-meditate”. But the drugs and alcohol just made things worse and probably prolonged my moods.
In my adulthood I struggled even more with depression not realizing it was often caused by my anxiety. I did alright in college but still struggled as felt suicidal. I went into counselling and it seemed to help.
After college I seem to be directionless as I had problems finding a job in my field and would fall into dark moods. I begin to have suicidal thoughts again and didn’t seem motivated at times. I was stuck in a rut living at home. Also,I also started drinking heavily again.
Eventually I moved out on own and got married, Stopped drinking, bought a house etc.. But I have been plagued by these dark moods as some of them gotten to the point where I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I also get to a place where I feel lethargic and am in a bad way.
I realize that these two things go together like peanut butter and jelly. I have to seek out counselling and find ways to cope. I need the strength of the Lord to help me through these periods as well.
In my teen years weren’t much better as I would often have dark periods in my life. I would feel out of sorts and not really with it. My grades suffer as I often had no motivation and would try to”self-meditate”. But the drugs and alcohol just made things worse and probably prolonged my moods.
In my adulthood I struggled even more with depression not realizing it was often caused by my anxiety. I did alright in college but still struggled as felt suicidal. I went into counselling and it seemed to help.
After college I seem to be directionless as I had problems finding a job in my field and would fall into dark moods. I begin to have suicidal thoughts again and didn’t seem motivated at times. I was stuck in a rut living at home. Also,I also started drinking heavily again.
Eventually I moved out on own and got married, Stopped drinking, bought a house etc.. But I have been plagued by these dark moods as some of them gotten to the point where I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I also get to a place where I feel lethargic and am in a bad way.
I realize that these two things go together like peanut butter and jelly. I have to seek out counselling and find ways to cope. I need the strength of the Lord to help me through these periods as well.
Monday, May 25, 2020
Social Anxiety Too?
I touched on this in yesterday’s post that in addition to having GAD that I may also have social anxiety. I have not been diagnosed by anyone but judging my the symptoms described on various websites..
I have always had this since I was very young and was very shy when I was a young kid. I always felt like I never fit in and had trouble making friends. I also never spoke very much and kept to myself. I especially felt uncomfortable in crowds and social situations. I usually kept to myself and I got to experience being outside looking in..
In my teen years it was especially hard as I had problems making friends and talking to the opposite sex. I was always wondering what if they don”t like me. I never got involved with sports teams and clubs in school.Wha if I sound stupid . Am I just no goodIt was easier to kind of fade into the background and not stand out.
My style of dress(wearing plain or boring clothes) reflected this.Also how I interacted with the people and how got very nervous when I had to speak in front of people. I figured this was just part of being an introvert but learned later that it is part of my anxiety. That my generalized anxiety disorder gives life to this and they feed each other.
In adulthood it has gotten better but I still have a long road ahead of me as I still get nervous having to meet new people. I also am pretty much a loner and have a small social circle. I also spent a lot of time at time alone. I”m still nervous in crowds but have made strides in this area. I have found that anxiety disorders feed each other.
I have always had this since I was very young and was very shy when I was a young kid. I always felt like I never fit in and had trouble making friends. I also never spoke very much and kept to myself. I especially felt uncomfortable in crowds and social situations. I usually kept to myself and I got to experience being outside looking in..
In my teen years it was especially hard as I had problems making friends and talking to the opposite sex. I was always wondering what if they don”t like me. I never got involved with sports teams and clubs in school.Wha if I sound stupid . Am I just no goodIt was easier to kind of fade into the background and not stand out.
My style of dress(wearing plain or boring clothes) reflected this.Also how I interacted with the people and how got very nervous when I had to speak in front of people. I figured this was just part of being an introvert but learned later that it is part of my anxiety. That my generalized anxiety disorder gives life to this and they feed each other.
In adulthood it has gotten better but I still have a long road ahead of me as I still get nervous having to meet new people. I also am pretty much a loner and have a small social circle. I also spent a lot of time at time alone. I”m still nervous in crowds but have made strides in this area. I have found that anxiety disorders feed each other.
Sunday, May 24, 2020
My Story
It has dawned on me while I shared bits and pieces of how I have gotten to this point in my life But I haven’t told the whole story of my struggle with GAD.
In my childhood I was very anxious about going to school and was what one would call a worrywart. I would worry about everything from whether I would say or do the wrong thing to whether or not there would be a nuclear war( Emergency Boardcast System tests would frighten me) as the Cold War was still going on. As a result I didn’t talk a lot to people and even though I had a few friends was pretty much an outcast and often very alone.
I carried this into my teen years and things got a little better in my young adulthood as I was able to be more reclusive. I developed a drinking problem and worked a variety of jobs. Along the way I found the Lord Jesus and got saved. Went to Bible School in hopes of becoming a pastor. I still struggled with anxiety and depression as I felt lonely and out of place. I also felt inadequate and struggled as I had a fear of public speaking.I also had problems making friends.
I graduated but was unable to find a position as a pastor or in any type of Christian ministry. Worked as a landscaper and along the way dated a few women until I found a very lovely young woman who I would eventually marry.
I moved out, got married and settled in a different area. I found work as a Developmental Support Worker for a Christian organization working with adults with developmental disabilities in a group home setting. It was during this time things intensified I was often very nervous when I had to go to work. I would get knots in my stomach, sometimes I would get headaches, be unable to eat and would be a little shaky. I often had “What if one of the clients acts out?” “What if I give the wrong meds?” “I feel like I have no clue what I am doing”?
It took a toll on my social life as I would zone out during group conversations with friends and family. My wife would tell me something I would completely forget right away or get it completely wrong. It reached a fever pitch when I started a new job at a plastics factory.(I wasn’t getting enough hours as a DSW).
I was always nervous, kept making simple mistakes and had problems following simple instructions. I also had insomnia and wasn’t eating very well. After several years of being told I need help and moving to a new town.My doctor diagnosed me with general anxiety disorder ( I also may have social anxiety) and was prescribed meds to help treat it.
I have gotten better but still struggle with it daily as it has comeback in the last few years. I have not gone for any promotions because I fear the responsibly and Don’t want the extra headaches. (I also fear change)I have gotten less than stellar reviews about my work performance. I also find myself getting sick a lot more and missing time as a result. I just try to survive most days.I also am nervous about finding a new job as I may encounter the same problems and am reluctant to jump in with this economy these days.
I do find ways to cope as I have been reading the Bible a lot, exercising a lot more, listening to music and was in therapy. I would definitely like to have victory over this.
In my childhood I was very anxious about going to school and was what one would call a worrywart. I would worry about everything from whether I would say or do the wrong thing to whether or not there would be a nuclear war( Emergency Boardcast System tests would frighten me) as the Cold War was still going on. As a result I didn’t talk a lot to people and even though I had a few friends was pretty much an outcast and often very alone.
I carried this into my teen years and things got a little better in my young adulthood as I was able to be more reclusive. I developed a drinking problem and worked a variety of jobs. Along the way I found the Lord Jesus and got saved. Went to Bible School in hopes of becoming a pastor. I still struggled with anxiety and depression as I felt lonely and out of place. I also felt inadequate and struggled as I had a fear of public speaking.I also had problems making friends.
I graduated but was unable to find a position as a pastor or in any type of Christian ministry. Worked as a landscaper and along the way dated a few women until I found a very lovely young woman who I would eventually marry.
I moved out, got married and settled in a different area. I found work as a Developmental Support Worker for a Christian organization working with adults with developmental disabilities in a group home setting. It was during this time things intensified I was often very nervous when I had to go to work. I would get knots in my stomach, sometimes I would get headaches, be unable to eat and would be a little shaky. I often had “What if one of the clients acts out?” “What if I give the wrong meds?” “I feel like I have no clue what I am doing”?
It took a toll on my social life as I would zone out during group conversations with friends and family. My wife would tell me something I would completely forget right away or get it completely wrong. It reached a fever pitch when I started a new job at a plastics factory.(I wasn’t getting enough hours as a DSW).
I was always nervous, kept making simple mistakes and had problems following simple instructions. I also had insomnia and wasn’t eating very well. After several years of being told I need help and moving to a new town.My doctor diagnosed me with general anxiety disorder ( I also may have social anxiety) and was prescribed meds to help treat it.
I have gotten better but still struggle with it daily as it has comeback in the last few years. I have not gone for any promotions because I fear the responsibly and Don’t want the extra headaches. (I also fear change)I have gotten less than stellar reviews about my work performance. I also find myself getting sick a lot more and missing time as a result. I just try to survive most days.I also am nervous about finding a new job as I may encounter the same problems and am reluctant to jump in with this economy these days.
I do find ways to cope as I have been reading the Bible a lot, exercising a lot more, listening to music and was in therapy. I would definitely like to have victory over this.
Saturday, May 23, 2020
Good News
I have received some good news as my COVID-19 test came back negative. It has set my mind at ease and I can move on. But I still have to go for some bloodwork as to see what is wrong with me as I am still feeling nauseous and have a bit of a headache.
I still have some anxiety as I am not sure what is wrong with me and I have had to miss some work because of this. As a result I think my job is in jeopardy and worry about finances. But I have overcome a major hurdle in that I do not have the COVID-19 virus.
I still have some anxiety as I am not sure what is wrong with me and I have had to miss some work because of this. As a result I think my job is in jeopardy and worry about finances. But I have overcome a major hurdle in that I do not have the COVID-19 virus.
Friday, May 22, 2020
The Latest
I have had an interesting last 48 hrs as I am now quarantined. I had to go to get tested for the COVID-19 virus and am awaiting the results. I have had a sickness that I thought initially as caused by my anxiety as I was dry heaving and have been nauseous. These are symptoms I have had especially when I have had anxiety attacks, I also may have been battling bug during this time.
Through this pandemic I have had (surprisedly) neither an increase in my anxiety but I have also not really had a decrease either. I have had to be careful how much of the news I look at as the stories about the COVID virus and the wrecked economy can trigger my anxiety. I still check the news but don’t spent a lot of time on news websites.This is also the second time I have had to quarantine in the last three months as I had a similar bug a little over a month ago.
There have been a few changes as my hours at work have changed and have had to make adjustments. Of course this whole COVID-19 pandemic as turned the world upside down. My wife has had to stay home because of this as well and have enjoyed the time with her. The uncertainty of everything can cause a lot of stress. I have to hang in there, pray and hope for the best.
Through this pandemic I have had (surprisedly) neither an increase in my anxiety but I have also not really had a decrease either. I have had to be careful how much of the news I look at as the stories about the COVID virus and the wrecked economy can trigger my anxiety. I still check the news but don’t spent a lot of time on news websites.This is also the second time I have had to quarantine in the last three months as I had a similar bug a little over a month ago.
There have been a few changes as my hours at work have changed and have had to make adjustments. Of course this whole COVID-19 pandemic as turned the world upside down. My wife has had to stay home because of this as well and have enjoyed the time with her. The uncertainty of everything can cause a lot of stress. I have to hang in there, pray and hope for the best.
Thursday, May 21, 2020
Some Things That Have Helped Me
To show that I am seeking help and trying to work through this condition rather than stew in my pain. These are some things that I am doing to help myself through this.
Prayer and meditation.
Exercise (Treadmill 30 minutes a day)
Focus on the positive.
Better eating habits.(cut out junk food)
Go outside more especially on sunny days.
These are just a few things that I have been doing the last few things that I have been doing to get in better shape mentally. I hope some of things will work for you mentally as well especially if you struggle with anxiety and depression.
Prayer and meditation.
Exercise (Treadmill 30 minutes a day)
Focus on the positive.
Better eating habits.(cut out junk food)
Go outside more especially on sunny days.
These are just a few things that I have been doing the last few things that I have been doing to get in better shape mentally. I hope some of things will work for you mentally as well especially if you struggle with anxiety and depression.
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