My Story

It has dawned on me while I shared bits and pieces of how I have gotten to this point in my life But I haven’t told the whole story of my struggle with GAD.
In my childhood I was very anxious about going to school and was what one would call a worrywart. I would worry about everything from whether I would say or do the wrong thing to whether or not there would be a nuclear war( Emergency Boardcast System tests would frighten me) as the Cold War was still going on. As a result I didn’t talk a lot to people and even though I had a few friends was pretty much an outcast and often very alone.
I carried this into my teen years and things got a little better in my young adulthood as I was able to be more reclusive. I developed a drinking problem and worked a variety of jobs. Along the way I found the Lord Jesus and got saved. Went to Bible School in hopes of becoming a pastor. I still struggled with anxiety and depression as I felt lonely and out of place. I also felt inadequate and struggled as I had a fear of public speaking.I also had problems making friends.
I graduated but was unable to find a position as a pastor or in any type of Christian ministry. Worked as a landscaper and along the way dated a few women until I found a very lovely young woman who I would eventually marry.
I moved out, got married and settled in a different area. I found work as a Developmental Support Worker for a Christian organization working with adults with developmental disabilities in a group home setting. It was during this time things intensified I was often very nervous when I had to go to work. I would get knots in my stomach, sometimes I would get headaches, be unable to eat and would be a little shaky. I often had “What if one of the clients acts out?” “What if I give the wrong meds?” “I feel like I have no clue what I am doing”?
It took a toll on my social life as I would zone out during group conversations with friends and family. My wife would tell me something I would completely forget right away or get it completely wrong. It reached a fever pitch when I started a new job at a plastics factory.(I wasn’t getting enough hours as a DSW).
I was always nervous, kept making simple mistakes and had problems following simple instructions.  I also had insomnia and wasn’t eating very well. After several years of being told I need help and moving to a new town.My doctor diagnosed me with general anxiety disorder ( I also may have social anxiety) and was prescribed meds to help treat it.
I have gotten better but still struggle with it daily as it has comeback in the last few years. I have not gone for any promotions because I fear the responsibly and Don’t want the extra headaches. (I also fear change)I have gotten less than stellar reviews about my work performance. I also find myself getting sick a lot more and missing time as a result. I just try to survive most days.I also am nervous about finding a new job as I may encounter the same problems and am reluctant to jump in with this economy these days.
I do find ways to cope as I have been reading the Bible a lot, exercising a lot more, listening to music and was in therapy. I would definitely like to have victory over this.